I was down on the floor and the cold tile felt good. I started to get up and Pete asked me what I was doing. I said, "I need to get up." Then he told me I had just passed out and I needed to stay on the floor for a little while. That's when I realized that it wasn't that I simply fell because my back hurt. I passed out because the pain from getting up and down from the toilet was so bad it was making me sweat and everything got cloudy and dark and then I was on the tile. Thankfully, Pete caught me and gently got me to the floor. As I lay there I just thought about how helpless I felt. And it didn't feel good. It doesn't feel good to not be able to tell myself to get up and get up. Or to walk and take steps. It hurts and my body is fighting the pain by not obeying my brains orders. A few minutes before the passing out I could hardly get out of bed. Pete helped me get on my feet, but once I was up I just hung onto his neck and leaned on him because my body wouldn't let me put any weight on my feet.
I had gone to the chiropractor yesterday and she said I may have a slipped disc. I'm not sure if it's from riding in the van for 7 hours on Sunday or wearing my boots all day that have a bit of a heel or if it isn't from any particular thing. What I do know is I have to begin being fully committed to working out. I need to get stronger so maybe I won't go through this again. The day after an adjustment is always rough, thus the pain this morning. And I'm really being careful today- not staying in one position too long, not lifting the little ones, not bending or reaching. The chiropractor wants to see me three times a week for six weeks. It's really hard for me to commit to things, like chiropractic care and working out, that take me away from the kids. I like being with them AND it's my responsibility to care for and teach them. So I really don't like giving up that time and even the control. But I guess the severe pain is a wake up call that it's time to really start taking care of this body so I can take care of everyone else better.
I'm humbled by the feeling of helplessness. By the need to rely on Pete to hold me up and the children to do the work around here. And by the reminder that without God's grace each day I can do nothing.
I had gone to the chiropractor yesterday and she said I may have a slipped disc. I'm not sure if it's from riding in the van for 7 hours on Sunday or wearing my boots all day that have a bit of a heel or if it isn't from any particular thing. What I do know is I have to begin being fully committed to working out. I need to get stronger so maybe I won't go through this again. The day after an adjustment is always rough, thus the pain this morning. And I'm really being careful today- not staying in one position too long, not lifting the little ones, not bending or reaching. The chiropractor wants to see me three times a week for six weeks. It's really hard for me to commit to things, like chiropractic care and working out, that take me away from the kids. I like being with them AND it's my responsibility to care for and teach them. So I really don't like giving up that time and even the control. But I guess the severe pain is a wake up call that it's time to really start taking care of this body so I can take care of everyone else better.
I'm humbled by the feeling of helplessness. By the need to rely on Pete to hold me up and the children to do the work around here. And by the reminder that without God's grace each day I can do nothing.
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